I GOT THE HINT OK

I woke up on the 30th with a sudden high fever of unknown origin, and thus I wasted another day when I could've gone horse-riding (a week earlier it was raining heavily and all the world drowned in mud ); then on the 31st I woke up almost healthy, "only" with a terrible cough left. How optimistic! Something really doesn't want me on horseback, huh.

And the hint I'm talking about is... well, there are shelves above my desk, filled with books; temporarily, on the topmost shelf I put my two flowers - one on the far left side, another on the right. And, on the left side of my desk lies the script of the book I'm writing (*cough cough*), on the right - my HP fanfic. When I watered the flowers, guess which pot overflowed and where cascades of water suddenly fell down

Luckily, the inside of the copybook wasn't damaged, only the cover... and no books on the way down were flooded, too... BUT I GOT THE HINT ANYWAY
No more fanfics for now...

And I began to DRAW something out of the whole stress With any luck, it'll be ready today or tomorrow. I was wondering whether I'd manage to finish it before midnight, to be able to say that I actually did something in 2009, but in the end me and my parents sat down and watched movies, so I gave up. And I'm quite happy about it.

And, I just wanted to share my unbelievable excitement after watching "Love Actually" on said night and asploding during the scene when a character played by Alan Rickman (homg sexy) wants to buy a golden necklace for his secret lover right under the nose of his wife... I haven't had such a laugh in a long time! Thanks for making my day gorgeous, Alan! (day, night, whatever - uh, yes, night sounds... okay, leave it )

Ha, I found it on YouTube. It's amazing. [link]

Okay then. Back to drawing. Especially because after this night's movie marathon my eyes hurt like hell and I can't stare at the screen too long. Have the best 2010!





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I usually write such things in my private diary, but recently I discovered that DA journals are even better. This way someone else may read it and say what they think... writing only for myself really is kind of pathetic, now that I think of it.

It's been a really long year. In fact, when I reach into my pre-summer memories, I'm amazed that all this happened in 2009. Dizzy world! At the beginning of this year I was still a high school student, oblivious to what would come next Then, in May, came my Matura exam... honestly, I can't remember much from that time. Only some of the exam questions. I was nervous (and horribly, in fact) only at my oral presentation from Polish, if you remember (me =/= orator...). Apart from that... well, it was only a fight between me and a piece of paper, so where's the stress?

Simultaneously, there was the continuous renovation of our old (bigger) flat, and as it was nearing an end during the summer, moving followed and I had my hands full of work during all the summer months, which in fact successfully distracted me from pondering whether my Matura results were good or mediocre, or the University registration and final list. I lost quite some weight, too, carrying all these boxes full of books and other stuff for days and days So, in general, it was a huge change.

Aaand then... University! English Philology! I'll end up a teacher with a ridiculously low salary after this, but right now I don't care. I want to be a translator, especially of literature, but I have no illusions - if I want to reach this level, I'll have to do something else at the beginning. Who'd give their book for translation to a girl freshly after a course? _{Even if it's absolutely clear she's a nerd? XD}

No matter. For now I have this pleasant feeling that I'm really doing what I like and want most, and today this is vital. After all, yesterday doesn't exist anymore, and tomorrow doesn't exist yet...

Buuut, if you asked me right now about what my greatest expectations concerning 2010 are, I'd yell at you, sprinkling you with saliva: DEATHLY HALLOWS MOVIE PREMIERE
Goodness gracious, still over 11 months to go! Aaahhh!!! I saw the teaser, with this one second showing Snape in the flashlights... and I'm done already. I'm done in general. Since the night I randomly dreamed of him a few days ago, I'm in an HP-overexctitement mode again

...which makes me think, is everything allright with my psyche?... The answer is clearly no, but that's another thing. I'm trying not to worry overmuch, but damn, I'm not going to fall in love with anybody in real life this way. After all, how can I?!! If my fictional character+actors playing them preferences show that almost only men over 40 years old make my heart melt?!! Jesus! (yes, I know Alan Rickman is sixty, shut up and leave me alone )

So much for my life. It's simply not there, and even if I suddenly wanted it to be, I'm afraid it wouldn't come. Poor thing freaked out and left me years ago, probably sunbathing on the Caribbean right now. Ahh.

In short, in a few days starts the year when I'll turn 20, and this scares me like hell, because I stopped at the emotional level of an overexcited 13-year-old, at least in some aspects

Besides, I'm a useless thing. My brain just didn't work this year. It's easy to blame the exams and all the school-ending stress for it, but it may just not be it.

I just feel I haven't done anything really useful in a long time. I don't draw. Occasionally, I paint some silly things with colored pencils. I don't write my book anymore. I even have trouble forcing myself to continue rewriting what I have so far. And, apart from minor corrections, this usually isn't really challenging.

What do I do instead? Watch the same movies for the 100th time, still taking _stupid pleasure from it; play games; lazily wait for a message to appear in my DA inbox; write my loooong HP fanfic - which is extremely pleasurable, too (_{SNAPESNAPESNAPESNAPE}), but I stopped fooling myself: it may be writing practice, but I seriously could spend those hours on something else. Something that wouldn't, per forza, end up in my drawer and be read only by a few chosen, Sue-understanding people (*ehym* ). I realize that, and I say that to myself, but I just don't, I can't! Unless I finally slap myself on the face really hard, things can get worse, I'm afraid. I hope the new year will make me think about it longer and stronger. And actually DO something about it!

What more did I want to say? Ah, yes.
I thank the world for all my friends.
All. Even those like many of you here, with whom I only talk via comments, I look at your photos, but we never met eye to eye, and still, during my time here you became really, really important.

I thank the world for ~cathearted, who made my yesterday a 100% WIN-day

And no matter how much I complain, I thank the world for everything.

Arrivederci, 2009.
Let's hope 2010 will shine some ray of light into me and my brain will start working again. Not only copying and fooling around.

And that in 2010, each and every one of you will find something beautiful in their lives.

XXX



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It's snowing

And not like that one horrid day in October, but serenely, slowly, magically and Christmas-ishly. What a nice day to wake up on! _{except maybe the lectures in the afternoon, duh} AND it's my last week of work before Christmas holidays Finally! I'll just lie down, eat chocolate, watch movies, play stupid computer games (well, what?!!), and... and... *feels intense stares* uh... maybe draw something, yes

AND RAEP THE EMPIK. YES? ...you know who you are and we're definitely going

Stay warm!




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YESSS.

I survived the midterm-test week Tuesday: Practical Phonetics, Thursday: Intro to Linguistics + Phonetics, Friday (when I came back home yesterday I just lied down on the floor and couldn;t move for half an hour ): Intro to Literature + Syntax + Vocabulary.

...My. GOD.

Well, what matters now is that I'm playing SpellForce 2 again, because thanks to the GodMode cheat I was able to defeat that mission which kept me at bay for months and discouraged me from ever touching this thing again Now I can run about and fulfill all the subquests, taking screenshots of my most beautiful armour at sunset, et cetera.

Look at my webcam to see me in SpellForce (and my new avatar, it's her eye too I love those violet tattoos, she looks as if she was always crying...)

...okay, no more boring you folks. Just stay amazing, and... and... uh... don't wait for art from me Please don't... or send me an angel of inspiration...





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